Month: June 2018

Book Reviews: Emotional Intelligence by Michael Garron

Happy Sunday, everyone! Ready for another Manic Monday tomorrow? Me neither. Who really wants to deal with the start of a new week? The stress, the anxiety, the insanity, it’s all but impossible to handle our own emotions, let alone deal with anyone else’s. And yet that’s exactly what we must do, day in and day out, if we want to be successful in our work lives, social lives, and personal lives. It’s this sort of mania which has led me to bring you a book especially on dealing with emotions today: Emotional Intelligence: The Complete Guide to Improving Thoughts, Behavior, Relationships and Social Skills (The EQ Book) by Michael Garron.

Emotional Intelligence discusses just about everything one can think of in regards to emotional intelligence: the advantages and abilities a high EQ (Emotional Quotient) can give you; how you can develop your EQ; managing self-awareness and relationships; reading body language; collaboration and conflict management; building trust and accountability; the pitfalls of low EQ; and so on. This book provides you with all the information necessary for understanding what EQ is and what it can do for you as well as tips for improving your EQ and what you should avoid in order to keep your EQ sharp. At 318 pages, it’s a thorough and complete guide to the issue of interacting with your emotions and the emotions of others.


Image retrieved from Amazon

This book covers a wide variety of topics. In addition to the information mentioned above, it also discusses meditation, mindfulness, journaling, the issues of multitasking and how to avoid them, and examples to go along with each concept. In fact, I think that Garron could have easily grouped some of the chapters together and expanded upon them to make multiple books rather than one long guide. That may have made for an easier read, too, and people wouldn’t be so intimidated by a nonfiction guide over 300 pages long.

Still, the thoroughness of Garron’s writing and research is one of the biggest strengths of this book. Unfortunately, it’s also one of its biggest downfalls. Garron often uses a lot of words to describe very simple concepts. Garron also becomes repetitive at points, and this combined with the verbose writing style lost me many times. However, the information is useful enough that I pushed through any confusion or boredom to get it all, even re-reading multiple sentences to ensure that I understood it all.

The examples Garron provides really helped me understand most of the concepts better. I particularly latched onto the example given for the “attachment” concept, most likely because I saw myself in it. (I have a bit of a hoarding issue…she says as though it’s only a small problem.) Everyone will find at least one example they can relate to in this book, and so I’m sure that everyone can mine some nuggets of wisdom from Garron’s advice.

Writers will find Emotional Intelligence to be a surprisingly useful guide, at least the part on non-verbal cues and reading body language. That section discusses such things as physical signs that people are experiencing a particular emotion, i.e. happiness, sadness, anger, anxiety, etc. These lists of signs, I think, are handy guides for writers who have a hard time being able to show a character’s emotions rather than telling them. Some of them are obvious—I found the happiness signs to be rather self-explanatory—but they are still good to refer to when you find yourself using the same sorts of gestures and body language for an emotion time after time.

Overall, Emotional Intelligence by Michael Garron is a helpful read for those looking to become more empathetic and gain better control of their emotions. For those of us with more extreme emotional issues—for instance, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder—it might be more difficult to apply the book’s advice in real time, but practicing the techniques outside of real-life situations might make these situations easier to handle when they do occur. Keep in mind that this guide is not a light read and it necessitates more than one reading, both to ensure you understand it fully and to continue to grow your EQ as you get older. However, it will be worth the extra time in the end once you see all your relationships—work, social, and with yourself—and your life in general improve.

You can buy Emotional Intelligence by Michael Garron as an e-book or in print on Amazon.

Do you know of any books I should read? E-mail me at thewritersscrapbin@gmail.com and let me know!

 


Designed by Stephanie Hoogstad circa 2011

Orphaned Characters and Dysfunctional Parents in Children’s Books

Happy first day of summer, everyone! Since Father’s Day, one subject has been prominently on my mind: parents. More specifically, parents in children’s books. After all, these genres seem to treat the child/parent relationship rather…well, not always badly, but there’s almost always a hint of sadness, loss, or anger underneath it all.

Why do so many protagonists have horrible–or no–parents? Where are they? Where did they go? Why are some of them so nasty when they are around?

This phenomenon has existed since before children’s literature was children’s literature. Fairy tales and folk tales, for example, were not always meant for children. In fact, anyone who knows the original fairy tales and not just the Disney-ized versions will know they were pretty darn dark. Yet these stories are also where we get the trope of the orphaned or poorly-parented child. Look at some examples:

  • Hansel and Gretel – in the original tale, their mother had died and they were, in fact, living with their father and stepmother. The stepmother forced their father to get rid of them, and it was not until the stepmother was gone that the children and their father lived happily ever after.
  • Snow White – everyone knows that the stepmother is the main villain in this tale.
  • Cinderella – there’s a wicked stepmother and, depending on which tale you read, her father is either dead or oddly very uninvolved.

Image retrieved from GalleyCat

The list goes on. Fairy tales are not the best places to be a parent. More modern children’s books are not much better:

  • Anne of Green Gables – Anne is an orphan.
  • The Wizard of Oz – Dorothy is an orphan who lives with her aunt and uncle.
  • Harry Potter – much like Dorothy, Harry is an orphan who lives with his aunt and uncle.
  • Percy Jackson – while not an orphan, Percy is the son of a god and a human; his human mother is there and his human stepfather is in the first book, but Percy’s birth father is largely absent and his stepfather is horrible, both as a parent and a human being
  • The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe – Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy are all sent off into the country because of the war, away from their mother.
  • Matilda – Matilda’s parents are abusive jerks that don’t care about Matilda at all.

Clearly, the trope is prominent. But why?

One reason can be to increase the tension and emotional effects of the stories. Nothing tugs at the heartstrings quite like an orphan struggling to deal with the absence of his/her parents. An orphan or a child with bad parents can also feel isolated and lash out, which also increases the tension of a children’s book.

Another reason could be the lack of restrictions and guidance for the protagonists. They have to figure things out for themselves, at least for the most part. They must learn for themselves what’s right, what’s wrong, and what their limitations are. Some of the children have alternative adult figures to help guide them, like Harry Potter has Dumbledore and Arthur Weasley and Percy Jackson has Chiron, but room is still left for children to grow on their own.


Image retrieved from EW

A final reason which seems to apply more to modern children’s literature than, say, classic fairy tales is that the trope forces readers to rethink the image of the “traditional” family. When you don’t have parents or your parents are incompetent, you tend to form close bonds with “substitute parents”: grandparents, aunts and uncles, adult siblings or cousins, teachers, neighbors, adoptive parents, etc. Some children create surrogate families with other children. These bonds are no weaker than the bonds within a traditional family. Harry Potter’s bond with the Weasley family, Percy Jackson’s bond with Annabeth and Grover, Matilda’s bond with Miss Honey, none of them are “traditional” but they fulfill the children’s desire for a complete family.

The single-parent family is also put in a better light with this trope. For Percy Jackson, his life is better when only his mother is raising him without the toxic influence of his first stepfather. Hansel and Gretel live happily with their father after their stepmother is gone. Stepparents often get the short end of the stick in these stories. However, it’s worth noting that Percy’s mother adds a positive influence to his life with her new, loving boyfriend, so that’s not always the case.

As writers, we usually try to avoid using tropes. They’re seen as cliche and played-out. Regardless, there’s always a reason for their overuse. We might still need these tropes to perpetuate certain themes or we might not. The trick is, when we decide that we do need them, to present them in a way which does not seem cheesy or worn-out to the reader.

What do you think about this orphan trope? About tropes in general? What are their purposes, and do we need them anymore? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!

 


Designed by Stephanie Hoogstad circa 2011

Book Reviews: Invisible Me by H.M. Irwing

Warning: The subject of today’s review, Invisible Me by H.M. Irwing, contains sex scenes, sexual situations, and foul language. If you are under the age of 18 or do not wish to encounter such content, proceed with caution.

Happy Friday, everyone! After starting last weekend on a PSA about suicide prevention, I think it’d be best to usher in this weekend on a much lighter note. What better way to do that than to post a new book review? Today’s review will be on the supernatural romance novel—or perhaps it’s more accurately called sci-fi romance—Invisible Me by H.M. Irwing, an author whom I have reviewed multiple times on this blog.

Freddie Lynch, known to many as “Fatty Leech,” has struggled with weight issues for a long time. She’s unused to any attention from boys (or men), and her best—and only—friend is the equally-ostracized Kyle Lykin. Yet there’s only one boy whose attention she really wants: Edwin Carr, Kyle’s “hotter-than-hot” cousin. The problem is that he never seems to give her the time of day, not to mention he’s engaged. In one last desperate attempt to change Edwin’s mind, Freddie makes herself a diet shake, the first step to trying to lose weight quickly. Too late she realizes that she has accidentally mixed her shake with the newest concoction brought home by her father—a chemist—from work. Now, instead of just being invisible to the opposite sex, she’s invisible to everyone. Literally.


Image retrieved from Amazon

After a year of trying one potential cure after another, Freddie has all but given up on ever being seen again, but that won’t stop her from enjoying her eighteenth birthday. She is now legally an adult and can enjoy all the freedom that comes with that status. Or can she? How can she go out in the world when there’s nothing more to her than floating clothes? How can she live a real, normal life outside of the Internet? The answer to her dilemma may just be a day away…but with new opportunities come new obstacles, and love always finds a way to complicate things further.

As a fan of speculative fiction in general, this concept caught my interest immediately and kept me invested in the book until the very end. I’d best describe it as a mix of a coming-of-age story, a romance novel, and The Invisible Man. Many themes could be read into Irwing’s use of invisibility in this story—a young adult establishing their identity, the ugly duckling theme, the soul-sucking anonymity of social media—but I cannot go into any of these without giving away too much of the plot. However, I can say that the obvious lesson that diet shakes are not the way to miraculous (or healthy) weight loss both amuses me and hits especially close to home for me.

With a woman rather than a man becoming invisible, even more humor and risqué moves are available to the protagonist, and Irwing does not disappoint. From Freddie marching around in her birthday suit to the banter exchanged between her and Kyle, this book proved to be very funny at times. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s just some parody or satire; the angst, the grief, the regret, and the love which define both Freddie’s and Edwin’s lives balance the narrative’s tone out nicely.

Edwin, Freddie, Kyle, and even Freddie’s father all prove to be very interesting characters. From a literary perspective, they somewhat play a mix of different stereotypes: Edwin, the borderline-insane and grieving man and unbelievably handsome hunk; Freddie, the sassy but still self-conscious chubby girl; Kyle, the awkward, not-to-hot best friend; and Freddie’s father, the grieving workaholic. Still, they each develop into more three-dimensional characters than I had expected, particularly through their relationships. While the story focuses on Edwin and Freddie’s relationship, I actually grew more intrigued by Freddie’s relationships with Kyle and her father. Their dynamics are real and fun and serve as a good break from the sweet-but-tumultuous romantic interactions between Freddie and Edwin.

Unfortunately, the writing in this book could use a lot of work or at least a lot of editing. I noticed missing commas, missing or misused capitalization, missing words, and some brief moments in which the narration switched between first person and third person. The concept kept me interested in the story, but these errors did serve as a distraction. Still, these mistakes are easily fixed with another round of edits, so this issue might be resolved in future editions.

Overall, Invisible Me by H.M. Irwing is a fun, light read. There are some sexual scenes and certainly sexual tension, so younger readers probably shouldn’t read it, but adult readers who like romance novels will want to check this book out. The writing should be further edited, but otherwise it is a good break from heavier reads which will make you laugh while you also share in Freddie’s struggles. Once you start, you won’t want to finish until you find out what in the world has happened to Freddie Lynch and how in the world it could be undone.

You can buy Invisible Me by H.M. Irwing on Amazon. Also be sure to check out the author’s website for information on this and Irwing’s other works.

Do you know of a book I should read? E-mail me at thewritersscrapbin@gmail.com and let me know!

 


Designed by Stephanie Hoogstad circa 2011

Suicide, Depression, and Reaching Out

Happy Friday, readers and writers. Normally on Fridays I post something fun and light-hearted. Today, however, there’s a crucial topic that should be covered first: depression and suicide.

As you might have heard, beloved TV personality Anthony Bourdain committed suicide. Earlier this week, Kate Spade, a prolific American fashion designer, and Ines Zorreguieta, sister to Queen Maxima of the Netherlands, reportedly took their lives as well. Unfortunately, these are just high-profile examples of a very prominent issue.


Anthony Bourdain, 61
Image retrieved from Raw Story

In the United States alone, there is an average of 123 suicides per day, amounting to 44,965 deaths by suicide per year. A report from the CDC also indicates that suicide rates in the United States have risen by more than 30% since 1999. Global statistics from Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE) indicate that there is one death by suicide every 40 seconds, suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for those 15-24 years old, and depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide.

So, why am I discussing this on a blog about writing? First of all, it’s very important to spread awareness of this issue. I think the statistics alone speak to that. Second of all, writers and other creative types are no strangers to depression and suicide. The following is just a small sample of the long list of writers who committed suicide: Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath, Ernest Hemingway, Anne Sexton, Hunter S. Thompson, Gerard de Nerval, Arthur Koestler, Vladimir Mayakovsky, Cesare Pavese, and Yukio Mishima.


Kate Spade, 55
Image retrieved from CNN

The third, and perhaps most important, reason is that I have suffered from depression and know many people who also suffer from depression. I’ve never wanted to take my own life, thankfully, and I don’t know if any of my friends or family members with depression have thought about it, but it’s always a major concern when it comes to depression, like a Dementor looming over your shoulder, just waiting for the most opportune moment to give you the Kiss. (Please excuse the Harry Potter reference; J.K. Rowling really hit the nail on the head with the Dementor/depression metaphor.)

Suicide is preventable. The problem is that many people who have these thoughts do not get the help they need. Often, they suffer in silence due to the social stigma surrounding mental illness. We are made to think that any degree of mental illness is a weakness or our own fault–most times, it’s considered both. Asking for help is also seen as a weakness, as a sign that we are incapable of taking care of ourselves. No matter how you look at it, society has influenced us to think that we cannot reach out for help or even let on that something’s wrong because we will be shunned.

Maybe that’s why the people who kill themselves are usually the ones we least expect. They don’t want other people to know that they’re having problems. They don’t want that “crazy” or “weak” stigma attached to them. As a result, they don’t get the help and support that they need, even if loved ones would be more than willing to provide it.


Inés Zorreguieta, 33
Image retrieved from news.com.au

How can we help our loved ones with this problem? Really, all we can do is be there. We have to show them that we love them and will support them no matter what, and we have to let them know that they will not be ostracized or judged for having problems. Let them know that reaching out for help, whether it’s from a therapist or just a sympathetic ear, will not make them weak. Most importantly, if something feels off, our loved one is behaving abnormally, or our loved one disappears for a while, we need to trust our instincts and reach out to them. We can’t just assume that they will work it out or that it can wait for another time. If we do, there might not be a next time.

Obviously, we can’t always stop this from happening. Humans have free will and will do what they want to do or what they feel they have to do, and sometimes pressuring someone to open up too much will do the exact opposite of what we’re aiming to do. Still, we can be there and offer all the love and support that the other person is willing to receive. Sometimes that’s enough, especially when many people demonstrate this sort of support for the person.

If you struggle with depression and/or thoughts of suicide, know that you are not alone. I know it can be hard to reach out, especially if you feel stigmatized because of your issues. I know that depression can make it hard to feel as though you can open up to anyone or that anyone will even care, but someone out there does care about you.

Finally, if you are contemplating suicide or you suspect a loved one is considering it, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline to get help and resources for getting through this difficult time. Also, if you have already survived an attempt or you have lost someone to suicide, there are resources on the website to help you handle the trauma.

My apologies for starting off the weekend this way. I promise to have more light-hearted material up in the next few days; this issue is just very important to me and I want to make sure that people know that they can get and give help.

 


Designed by Stephanie Hoogstad circa 2011

An Explanation for My Absence from This Blog

Hello, everyone! Long time, no read…or write. Two weeks, almost. It’s been quite a busy few weeks for me, and now that I have a moment to breathe, I thought I would just explain my absence.


Image retrieved Memegen

Part of my absence is due to the school year wrapping up. My creative writing portfolio was due last week, and a week from tomorrow (Wednesday) my end-of-year essay is due. So, yeah…cue the panic attacks. Fortunately, next year I will be focusing solely on my Master’s portfolio for school, so hopefully that won’t be quite as chaotic (although no less stressful).

Another part of my absence comes from work. I had some notably large projects due the past couple days, and now I have a steady stream of smaller projects coming in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly grateful for the work. (Keep it coming, please!) It just makes updating this blog a little more difficult and sporadic.

Another significant reason is medical. As I’ve discussed before, I have chronic migraines. Thursday and Friday, I was hit with particularly bad migraine attacks and was bedridden. I couldn’t even sit up without excruciating pain and nausea, let alone write.

Of course, there have also been the typical issues like family and clingy puppies to deal with. Those are just easier to shut out than the others. (Although I would love to be able to get my dog Bubba to sleep before 3 or 4 in the morning–I’m working on it!)

So, those are some of the reasons for my absence the past several days. While I’m still incredibly busy, I have plenty planned for this blog as well and hope to initiate these plans soon, including updating you on my Vistaprint promoboxes for April and May!

For now, I have messages to catch up on and an essay to write. Keep on writing, and hopefully I’ll be back with more support, advice, and distractions very soon!

 


Designed by Stephanie Hoogstad circa 2011